Get Your Date Sucked At Work

Jun 26

We all want to do it. But should we? Today we ask the question “How do you deal with your natural sexual desires when at work?” Would you masturbate on the job? Or rip a co-workers clothes off in a broom closet for a quickie? Steve Pavlina, a passionate blogger, said in a recent post that a friend was trying to convince him to give up his blog and get an office job. Here’s what happened:


Friend:
Your life sucks. You need to get an office job and work in a cubicle. Live the dream, man.
Steve:    
But that’s stupid. I get so much pussy.
Friend:
No you don’t. You’re wearing sweatpants…
Steve
:    …Well if I worked in an office, would I get to sex girls?big-time-dates-office-romance
Friend: What are you talking about?
Steve:    Well, if I’m with a female coworker, and we both get horny, then do we get to go take a shag break? Like, are there special rooms for that?
Friend: Oh no no no. You could both get fired for that sort of thing.
Steve:    Fired? Why? What if it’s just a quickie and we still get all our work done?
Friend: Yeah, don’t do that. The company could get sued.
Steve:    Ok… so I have to settle for blowjobs then?
Friend: …Goodness no. That’s just as bad.
Steve:    So what do people do if they get horny at work? People still get horny at their jobs, don’t they?
Friend: Sure… they get horny all the time. But they suppress it and pretend they’re not. Then they take care of themselves later, off the clock, usually with porn.
Steve:    Seems easier just to have a quickie, maybe take a short cuddle nap, and then go back to work refreshed and happy.
Friend: I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in a corporate setting.
Steve:    …But those positive, after-sex feelings make collaboration easier. Trying to suppress one’s sexual desires every day seems like it would be very distracting.
Friend: It is distracting of course, but remember that you aren’t expected to be too productive anyway, so it works out okay.

Why is this taboo!??

The truth is, “you spend a lot of time at work, in an environment packed with people who share similar goals & have a high likelihood for compatibility.” Writer Crystal Miller once worked for a company that promoted inter-office dating. Their policy – “Your significant other will be comfortable because they’ll know where you are.  You’re both happy.  We’re happy because we know you’ll be more productive and that’s better for business.  Everybody wins.” This company won Best Place To Work on local & state levels several times.

big-time-dates-dating-worplaceAuthor Nicole Williams agrees, which is why she wrote Office Sex Survival Guide. It’s basically a manual for getting your date sucked at work. As she says, “When tensions are flaring, office space is tight, and we’re logging 60 hours of face time a week, how couldn’t we expect a little chemical reaction?” And lots of women are doing it, as she reports, “An estimated 10 million couples met their mate at the office in 2003.”

So if it’s so natural, why not have a designated Shag Break Room in the office as Pavlina suggested? I’m sure this has existed somewhere, sometime in the world. Please research this and get back to BTD HQ in the morning.

NOTE: Here are some work places that are not good to have sex at: kindergarten, high-rise window washer, bus driver, waste water treatment plant.

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